mY fAIryTalE_

Sunday, July 30, 2006

I know what it is I want.
And I'm not about to let anything stand in my way.

I'll be here...
Why...?
I'll be 'waiting'...here...
For what?
I'll be waiting...for you...so...
If you come here...
You'll find me.
I promise.

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Thursday, July 06, 2006

Ma'at chalet is over! Whee. Despite the gruelling FUN of 4 days and 3 nights (from 3rd to 6th july), I think it was a great opportunity for me and for the rest of the councillors to get to know the freshies better and vice-versa. Needless to say, everyone had fun.

The first day, a few of us (glenn chiobu zenov tan ching and me) met up at tanah merah mrt, and went in together to get the place. Quite a nice and cozy place it was... not too small and not too shabby. Then we decided to get lunch, but glenn was out for supplies in his mum's car, so we decided to order macs. Then about ten minutes later... we realised that we could've gotten glenn to buy for us instead, so we called glenn and ordered food too. It was only after we called back macs that they told us our order had already gone out and there was no way to cancel it. Being ma'ats to the very core, we just decided to have the best of both worlds xD. Luke and his freshies (matthias and ivane) came shortly afterward, and everyone had a prelude to crazy 99. Heh. [The games team (shuohan jinrui and me) took the effort to come up with some games so that we wouldnt be bored during the chalet. Crazy 99 was one of them.]
Well, the best was yet to come. After dinner kian meng brought out his mahjong set, and the gamblers (ling fong zenov kianmeng derui) sat down to play while the majority of the rest were playing cards at the sofa-coffee table area. jr sh and i were upstairs to try out new stuff. Then, somebody suggested a walk. Didnt see any reason not to go, so i went along with everybody. Our master plan was to dunk glenn, in the process tricking him that we were going to dunk kianmeng. After some subtle maneuvering, tc and the rest of us guys managed to surround glenn by the pool side and threw him in, clothes and all! After that all of us ran away, and poor glenn tried to chase chiobu to catch him and throw him in too. Unfortunately chiobu was too fast for glenn, and the next to go in was... zenov... And then subsequently all of us guys went in, with derui being the last one in as he kept struggling (boo!). Then... we hatched a ploy to get zin in... And then joyce went in too. Haha. All of ma'at went in except for jenny (bleah). Haha. Shivering and wet, we went back to the chalet to bathe and have some more fun at dry games.
That's where shuohan's werewolf came in! Its a kind of like polar bear game, where there's a moderator and there's werewolves and hunters and villagers kind. The first few rounds went fine. There was one round where my werewolf partner in crime died on the 2nd voting (something like survivor, where somebody gets voted to die) and i managed to subtly kill enough villagers for us to win (mwahahaha!). And then for EVERY subsequent round after that, jenny would say: I think its gilbert. And naturally, I would say: I think its jenny. And 5 times everyone believed her and i got mistakenly killed (BOO!). Then a couple more rounds later I was werewolf again! And again my partner in crime was the second casualty. And again I went on to kill enough villagers to win. HAHAHA. wOOt. Haha. Then there was a blackout at 630am. So the rest went to bed while jenny, zin, and i stayed up. jenny to study for driving test, zin to write mini-diary, me to read bridge! After half an hour the power came back on, and i was really tired by then, so i grabbed a pillow, and fell asleep on the 2nd floor corridor, next to tc and opposite zin. Unbeknownst to me (before I fell asleep), jenny later grabbed a share of my pillow. Heh. Thus ended our first day of chalet.

[Editor's comment: As the rest of the post was done on 9th of August, some details might be wrong]

Then came day 2. Of course I was lagging in bed... When I saw that lingfong had woken up and vacated a bed (which was actually the bed's mattress that was dragged onto the floor), I hurriedly got up in my half-sleeping state and collapsed on it xD. Fell asleep almost immediately, then I woke again at around 12 only to realise that there was nobody else in the room with me (when I crawled onto the mattress everyone in the room was still sleeping). Brushing and heading downstairs, I realised that bryan had already prepared lunch for us - consisting of a pot of chicken corn soup. Deciding to lag some more, I ate later. Then came the time for us to put Operation Defecation into process, me leading the away team (lingfong bryan and chiobu) to head out to buy BBQ supplies. Deciding not to take a cab out (which was a very bad idea as it turned out), we stupidly walked out halfway until we realised we didnt have a choice but to take a cab to tanah merah mrt station, and then take mrt to city hall where we had lunch at mos burger, and subsequently we took a cab (!) down to marina where we were supposed to collect the food from zhen fa live seafood (my sp, shifeng's, family business). Turns out that it was a very ulu place, and the three of them ended up playing bishibashi in the arcade next to zhen fa... Then finally we collected the food (2 styrofoam boxes of it) and made our way back to the chalet in a... guess what? Cab (!!!). Haha. Never taken cab so many times in such a short span of time before. (At least later that night we complained to zin and we got a reimbursement for the 3rd trip heehee). Then when we reached the chalet, the 4 of us marvelled at the amazing decor put up by the home team (it really was very good, with banners and da bian cake and balloons and all). So we continued preparations while other csc people came streaming in bit by bit (and yes jun hui was the ONLY one from group 4 haha... here at the request of glenn). Unfortunately the star of the show that night was late... So we decided to start the food first without him. When he finally arrived, we treated him to the special cake we made for him and took quite a few pics xD. Then came the birthday surprise part one: the home team had specially prepared flour bombs, water bombs, and a mixture of both together. A prelude of flour and some water was "showered with lots of love" onto km... After much shouting and running around and dirtying the floor outside with flour, the main saboteurs (zenov and junli) decided to let him off... and so km sneaked upstairs to take a shower... tailed cunningly by the rest of group 6. After some effort, we managed to corner km (in his new clothes) in the toilet upstairs... and then came the bucket of various bombs... Someone even took a video of the entire ceremony xD... And of course mostly everyone got involved except me and zin (and possibly lf) who were holding cameras. That was pretty much about all the excitement for that evening. Then we had a karaoke session, and derui and i discovered that kianmeng brought a zhou hua jian album and so we started singing merrily away. Later on in the evening, shuohan, glenn, jin rui and I retired upstairs for some more card games inclusive of bridge... all the way until 3am when the world cup match started, france vs germany I believe... I joined the people to watch till 4am and then fell asleep after that... Thus ended day 2 for me.

Day 3: After the excitement of the past two days, it was refreshing to have a quiet start to the day for once... The rest of group 6 went out possibly for karaoke at K-box while the previous night's bridge gang (which is the 4 of us mentioned earlier) went to explore the place further... We ended up having breakfast which consisted of dim sum and ice kachang for me. Then we went to the arcade only to realise they had some really sucky games, so we went back and decided to make use of glenn's golf clubs. Heading out to the driving range, I realised that I cant play golf for nuts haha. Whats more, the weather was extremely hot that day... and when the rest came back, we had a continuation of the previous day's BBQ with the leftover food, and more karaoke with the set in the chalet. And if memory serves me right, the card games gang reconvened upstairs again! That was about it for that day...

Waking up to a drizzle on day 4, we realised it was time to checkout and end our >3 days of fun. Lazing around the place a little, we reluctantly left the place and headed our separate ways home. I dont think I fell asleep immediately after reaching home... I believe I only fell asleep at night.

Then came the 9th of July... Project Can day. Its a day where the csc people go around collecting canned food/dried rations to give to several needy beneficiaries around singapore. It was a sunday... And it was the earliest I ever got up on a sunday for a very very very long time. I scheduled to meet jr at amk central, but I was ten minutes late. Unfortunately, it did not cost us, and we arrived on time to see many people in the train station itself. Directed to the actual meeting place, we saw more people than ever. On the way there, we (meaning the group 6 people) decided to detour to the nearby market for breakfast! Bryan was nice enough to treat us to soyabean drink, but it really really tasted funny and it was hot on top and cold below and it really made our stomachs uncomfortable for a long time. Then a while later, a female MP came to grace the occasion with a small speech and the beating of a gong. (Yes there was a real gong there...). We were split into two main groups with many sub groups... one main group walked to the blocks while the other main group (we were in this one) had a bus to fetch us to our designated areas. So thus began our arduous task of door-to-door can collection from eight blocks. Turns out that tanching and I were one pair... I think we got to know each other better in the process of doing it too. Some households were very generous, others were very stingy... Guess there's all sorts of people out there. Having finished our 4th block before lunch in an amazingly short period of time, we settled in to wait for lunch while joyce was contemplating whether or not to go for her jap class with jenny xD. It was also then that I managed to convince people to come down for bridge xD. So after lunch we resumed... and by the end of our task, we had managed >2 large cardboard boxes of canned food. It also rained halfway through the afternoon, and we waded in heel high water to get to our designated blocks =P. When it was finally time to close shop, we were all having difficulties deciding where to eat, because all the west dwellers suggested jurong which was SUPER far for some of us. Finally we decided on town area, at PS. So all of us went to kianmeng's house to rest up and shower before heading to meet zenov, bryan and his little sister (bryan just had his graduation ceremony that afternoon!) for dinner. We were late, as expected, and again we could not decide on a place to eat. Walking into PS, some of us were really really starving, and this group of us (joyce zin tc lf and me and later joined by jenny) went to pastamania and ordered, while the other half of the group were at pizza hut. At pastamania... we had pasta, of course... And then, we ordered pizza, with a special meal of tiramisu to boot. Feeling satisfied with ourselves, we walked out of pastamania and into burger king to buy coleslaw and fries... with ALL the coins that we had. Feeling VERY satisfied, we went to macs to meet the other half of the group AND to buy ice cream. WOW. A 5 course dinner. We're good eh? Then afterwards a few of us, inclusive of me, left them and went home while the rest continued to wander around the place.

The next day passed quickly... and then it was tuesday again... the 11th of July: Ma'at Sports Day number 1. Woke up rather early, then proceeded by train to reach clementi mrt where the first batch of people were supposed to meet up: chiobu lingfong zenov sin en and me. Surprisingly zenov took a cab down because he would be uber late if he came by public transport and he was on time =P. So we went for lunch at market nearby where we had char kway teow and sugar cane drink which was rather good for a light snack. Then we headed to school where zin was supposed to meet us... turned out she was a little late. We settled in at the mpsh2 table tennis area. Then people started streaming in bit by bit: glenn edlina ruixiang tanching. We were playing all sorts of stuff... table tennis, table tennis without the table, intercontinental table tennis, table tennis with people playing passing with a basketball over the table, etc etc. A fun day overall. Then I left at about 4 to go join the bridge side, with glenn in tow, while the rest headed out to the basketball courts for some basketball. Unfortunately it started raining not long after and I didnt know what they did after that. So it was bridge until late into the night for me, and I went home a tired man xD.

The next few days passed in a blur, and very soon it was the 15th of July: Mixed Pairs championship with sophia. Went for lunch together (obviously), then headed in for some smashing fun. Unfortunately it was neither smashing fun nor good because we had a horrible two sessions and barely ended up a little below average, but it was nice playing with her nonetheless. Oh, and we had to rush back from mos burger after dinner with her holding my corn soup and me my drink because we forgot the time xD. Had a lift home from angus after that. Was rather tired and slept quite late that night I think.

Another day flew by, and it was the 17th of July. Monday morning. And yes, as you can already guess, another Ma'at outing, this time at the new cineplex near PS, early in the morning. Thanks to tc for morning call. I think sophia tried too xD. We watched Pirates of the Carribean 2... bryan lingfong tanching zenov choibu and me. Quite an entertaining movie, rather hilarious, and also making me want to obtain its soundtrack... the music is by Hans Zimmer anyway and I am sort of his fan. After the movie we went to PS for lunch... I met a couple of the ntu bridge people there too and they seemed really surprised to see me. Feeling really really full (I had carrot cake that was like so filling), we took a walk down to orchard in preparation for birthday gift making (pet and emm). Had stuff to buy from orchard mrt popular too, so while the rest went to the starbucks next to the hello shop in orchard after walking around in hereen, tan ching and I went to purchase things. Already had a box from PS, so we had to buy stars and wrapping paper and stuff like that. After obtaining the required materials (I already brought along scissors and scotch tape heh), we joined the rest at starbucks to fold stars... tanching was especially good at folding straw stars with 2 straws! heehee. In the end everyone helped in the folding haha. Thanks guys! Later soph came down to meet me before dinner for tanglin... And of course she helped a little :P. We had dinner and proceeded to play the evening session at tanglin. And after tanglin of course my day wasnt over yet... I still had the presents to worry about... So after doing a little more planning and enlisting sophia and tanching to BOTH help me out the next morning (OMG THEY ARE SO NICE) (and of course sophia was late heehee) at bishan which is like so far from their houses, I settled down to "inspect" the stars. Quite a few of them failed to make the grade... a hundred and twenty odd of them. So after some repair work (lingfong you make great stars!!), I managed to salvage about a hundred of them while condemning 27 to oblivion. By that time it was already very late (about 3 am I think) and so I visited my bed...

The very next morning, tuesday the 18th of July... I woke early and went to IRA to collect my passport and then double bsck to bishan meet tanching. We were on a tight schedule, but we worked quickly and swiftly (and sophia came at about 1130 with the much needed double-sided tape) and managed to finish it by 12. Which is when I met the girls and handed them their presents. So after that, we all walked into J8 food junction when we decided we werent that hungry and so we went to clementi to have lunch instead. After packing food for ourselves since tanching was late to meet the rest of the group for sports day, we bought bubble tea and took 96 to school. Dropping at src, tc and soph+me went our separate ways. Turns out that we were an hour late to meet budi and gz for a bridge practice session in school. Played a little while into the evening, and then I decided I wasnt hungry and so budi dropped all of us at the holland v bus stop where we all went home by bus. Think I was rather hungry when I reached home and had the mee goreng =P. Thus ends another day of my life.

And on the 19th, which was a Wednesday, soph detoured to my house for some bridge stuff.

And on Thursday, the 20th, we again had a bridge practice session where it was the first time sharon (a freshie) would come down to watch. Halfway down after a claypot lunch with sophia, malcolm, and sharon (malcolm ran home after lunch), I got an sms from mei. It was really distressing to me to receive such a message and so I told her to meet me in school... And the rest, as they say, is history. Dont worry about xing xiang... you never had one in the first place xD.
That very night on bnet... the resumption of a very intriguing conversation took place...

...Something happened on the Friday the 21st of July...

...And so we fast-forward to the 22nd of July, Saturday, the first day of the NUSS intercollege. Our team comprised me, soph, budi and gz. And of course our team name had to be... Ernie. Hehe... Couldnt find any other better name, so ernie it was. There were also teams like elmo (ey and gx) and count and so on. First match was against jane choo's team... it was a narrow 16-14 win for us, but after that everything went downhill. Side note: I will need to teach budi and gz how to play more aggressively. Well overall playing with sophia was still quite alright. She already offered to let me stayover that night due to the next morning's (sunday's) 930am starting time. So... that very night she, malc and I got quite drunk for reasons still unbeknownst to me, and we woke up the following morning with me having a monster headache and basically playing rubbish. Well, I'd say more effort needs to be put in from everyone. Well, we parted on a not-so-good note after urging gz to go home first after lunch... But the day ended well enough... [Editor's note: I was actually feeling quite myself again (apologies and thanks to soph)... I was really really sorry for that and at least now you know it wasnt just in the name of fun =X]

Well, after resting for the remainder of sunday, soph and I reconvened on monday the 24th with malc (which was a really last minute decision) to watch Pirates 2 (yes SECOND time for me) at cineleisure. But I was bored anyway so what the heck. Malc had to go for a DnD thing, and he also happened to bring his friend Christine for dinner, and after much urging, we managed to have malc send her off at somerset mrt station while we went off to take a leisure stroll. After walking malc to his DnD (Dungeons and Dragons) place at Orchard Emerald and actually meeting desmond (nightskyy on bnet), we left him there to take a leisurely stroll that saw us ending up on a bench on the 2nd floor of wheelock place at about 8 or 9pm (and in the meantime I also kinda fell out with my mum over the staying over issue cause I had actually decided to stayover that night).
(Note: I dont understand why my mum is so opposed to the idea of me staying over at someone's place and vice-versa, she has a lot of double standards and is just freaking weird in general.)
After sometime, malc and gang finished (that was about 11 or so pm), we met them and went for supper with desmond and malc (desmond drove) at clementi (the coffee shop near the bus interchange) where we had nasi lemak (whee!). And in the meantime I got to know desmond better (he's a teacher too!). So after that, we went our separate ways... (obviously I stayed over)

Dawn broke, and we arrive at the morning of the 25th of July. We managed to get sharon to come down, and at the very last minute, we convinced malc to come down too! So at bridge that day, I got gx to teach glenn, malc, and sharon while gz, budi, soph and I were playing (I was actually teaching them to play more aggressively). Well, it was rather uneventful that day (jr couldnt make it, glenn, malc and sharon had to leave), and so in the end there was just maycay, mark, ey, gx and the 4 of us that night. A rather nice end to the night though...
Back at home, it was last-minute packing for the genting trip with glenn, jenny, and joyce from the 26th to the 28th (during which I actually forgot my toothbrush because it was still along with the stuff I packed for the 24th). It wasnt actually planned, but it was sort of suggested to me that I could afford to not sleep (since it was 0300 by the time I was done packing and I had to leave at about 0500 or 0600 in the morning) and I could catch some shuteye on the way to genting. So I decided not to sleep, and a certain someone stayed up to keep me company throughout the whole night and offered to pick me up when I came back xD Thanks darlin' love ya :D.

[Editor's note: This post is already very very long and so from now on I will cut some of the really nitty gritty details because I am not really in the mood to type so much. Perhaps some time in the future I will actually add on to this part of the post, but most likely it will never happen]
Leaving in the morning of 26th July for lavender mrt where jenny said she'll meet me, I arrived slightly late, only to msg jenny and get a reply "almost there." Half an hour later, I called her and got the exact same reply of "almost there." Dont take a genius to figure out how infuriated I was. But I would not let such a small incident spoil my day. We were the last to board the bus headed for genting after getting driven to Golden Mile Complex by jenny's dad. I slept throughout the 7-or-so-hour journey there except for places where we actually made pit stops along the way (there were about 2 or 3). Upon arrival at First World Hotel in genting, checking in and finding our connecting rooms small but cosy, we decided to take a cab down to KL for shopping as going to the theme park now wouldnt be cost-efficient. After an hour's drive down the mountain to KL (albeit with many sms'es along the way xD), we got our bearings from the kind taxi driver and headed off on our shopping spree... well... after we had our belated lunch at 4pm of course (I had prawn noodle xD). Then we headed into a big shopping complex (to give you an idea of how big it was, it was sub-divided into 4 zones, and even after 3.5 continuous hours of shopping, we hadnt even covered half of the entire complex). Well we had fun helping each other to choose stuff and all that, and some of us really took their time, but it was okay =P. By the time we decided to leave the area and walk towards chinatown area for dinner it was around 7.30pm or so already. We had dinner at Nandos, and we enjoyed the dinner, taking some really really funky pics of ourselves while we were there before proceeding to chinatown, where we shopped until 11pm because we actually thought it closed at 10, but it actually closes at midnight, so we did some really extreme shopping there, with jenny going on and on about her pirated LV wallet and haggling over prices and all. It was also today that I spent more than 3/4 of my monetary possessions (I brought the equivalent of 200 SGD there which is 461 RM). We were actually worried we couldn't find any taxi driver willing to take us back up to genting, but fortunately we were able to reach the hotel just before midnight.
Loot for the day aka shopping possessions: An XO pencil case for tc, a wallet for mum, another wallet for mei, a rubber band and a scrunchie for her as well, the very same scrunchie for soph, a tee-shirt and 2 shorts for soph. 5 or 6 t-shirts for myself plus a couple of medicinal metal balls that you play around with in your hand).
Back at the hotel, after a nice hot shower, we had a nice long chat on the phone that involved draining my phone battery (and silly me forgot to bring a charger or extra batts, and I ended up having to borrow a battery from glenn), and I finally went to sleep at about 2 or 3 in the morning.

27 July. Morning. Here's where the real fun started. Woke up at about 9 something but lagged in bed till 10 despite their (the double J's) constant harassment. Went to have brunch, then we purchased full day tickets for the indoor plus outdoor theme park. Ride after ride (we got WET on the second ride because somebody decided to go on a WATER ride) thrilled us (with a couple of corn cups in between xD) until we finally got so tired that we decided to walk back into the hotel and into Pizza Hut for our dinner (where joyce glenn and I decided to share a 4-person meal (we actually wanted the 6-person one but decided it was too much xD) while jenny had her own pasta but of course we shared our stuff with her xD). After dinner, we went on a few indoor rides and some more shopping, and even after the 3 of us (joyce glenn and I) couldnt walk any further, jenny was still happily walking in and out of stores. We had to shake our heads in amazement.
Loot for the day: Candle for soph, mass Ma'at presents, presents for the bridge people, and a small and cute thing for mei (I forgot what it was, poor memory nowadays lol).
And of course during the day I got mad at my mum, and at night it got so bad that I just lost it and went berserk. Luckily I had you to talk to, else I'd really have gone mad. Thus ends day 2 of genting trip.

On day 3, 28th July, I cant remember what time we woke, but it must have been near/around lunchtime, because we brought all our luggage down to the part of the hotel where they would keep it for us temporarily, and we returned all our room keys. Then we went to some chinese restaurant for lunch (I had chicken drumstick rice), followed by some more last minute shopping. And I found out that they actually had these emergency phone chargers all around the place, so I happily plugged my phone into one of them only to find out after one hour that their power output was super low and I only had one bar of battery. (Actually the previous night joyce had already agreed to lend me her v3 for the whole of today, so I was carrying that around too, and messaging with the v3 really sucks (as someone else already knows.))
Loot for the day: A really cute bear for mei, a nice keychain and a phone accessory for soph. (cant remember if there was anything else)
So after all that, we went to wait for our bus, and it actually started drizzling, and it was super cold. (Throughout the 3 days the closest thing I had to cold weather wear was berms and tee-shirts... Temperature was constantly around 24-25 except in KL when it was really hot.) So we got on the bus, and headed back home where I had someone to pick me up and escort me home xD.
When I reached home... Oh well. We didnt sleep the whole night, and early in the morning of the 29th, we caught the first bus and went over to her place.

Once there, we took a nap until xy arrived for her phy. (I apologise for my state of mind and teaching of some rubbish). I taught while she bbo-ed. Then after that, we went over to bt timah cc for lunch and the interclub game where I played with gx against one of the hci teams and she kibitzed. (It was raining heavily btw and I was shivering, so before the 2nd half started she went home and brought me a jacket thanks dear xD)
After the session, we went to meet myron (my first time seeing him btw) and malc and had dinner-cum-supper. Then we had a small drinking session and I left at about 2330 leaving the 3 of them by malc's poolside...
...I went home but couldnt sleep, a bad feeling gnawing at me...
...Turns out I was right when I had a call from an extremely traumatised sophia at 6am (approx 2 hours after I unknowingly fell asleep) and we talked for 2 hours until she finally fell asleep and I went to bed too...

to be continued...

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Monday, July 03, 2006

You may attack me with hatefulness
With your squinted, judging eyes,
You may try to hurt me with your words
But still, I will, survive.

Does my strength of mind upset you?
You can try to break me down,
I feel like I am made of steel
I won't alter, I won't frown.

Like the strongest people
With the strongest state of mind,
I am too strong to break
I'll survive.

Did you want to see me torn down?
Shaking, nervous and scared?
I'm sorry but that won't happen
I arrived calm and prepared.

Do my comebacks really shock you?
Did you think I'd cry instead?
I talk like I don't even care
About anything you said.

This is just a game to me
It may seem more in your eyes,
It doesn't matter what moves you make
For still, I will, survive.

Does my constant calmness bug you?
Do you hate not getting through?
For I am too happy to listen
You can never spoil my mood.

I'll survive

Yeah... I've thought it through... I'd rather be happy than sad... I'll do whatever I can to keep that smile on my face... and maybe the pain will gradually fade...

If everything isnt alright in the end, then its not the end. -timetraveller

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Sunday, July 02, 2006

The demons calling from everywhere
Inside this tomb I sit and stare

Alone and shaken I fight this war
Afraid of what the future may have in store

My mind's been bent my soul's been torn
A change in life is what I've sworn

The past is lingering, haunting my present
Pulling me down in a slow descent

In a smoky room I sit and defend
A shattered world I try and mend

Could this be fate hunting me down
Or merely a chance to turn things around

With the strength from those who stand by my side
I must be strong I must not hide

For years will come and years will go
Friends will leave and friends will grow

Time will be the ultimate test
To leave things behind, put things to rest

With every sunset there's always a sunrise
Opening doors right before your eyes

Always remember that life is not set
Merely a table where you've placed your bet

But...

I am the student
Fighting the tears
Saving the crying
Till no one is near

I am the son
Coming each day
With tons on my mind
But nothing to say

I am the friend
With so much to hide
Keeping the secrets
That are deep inside

I am the brother
With sadness in me
Striving to be
The best I can be

I am the boyfriend
Acting so strong
Hiding my tears
Like nothing is wrong

But I am myself
When I cry at night
Hoping things
Will be alright

Wondering why
I pretend to be tough
When can I be me?
When will that be enough?

I took a pen to write down my pain. The pen cried before my eyes.

It's better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you're not.

-timetraveller

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