mY fAIryTalE_

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Yes mei... Just so long as you're happy, I don't mind being sick k...? And now that you've gone to bed... its time to unleash the terrible anguish.

First it was my mum. Then it was my mum again. And then it was her again!! How many times does this have to happen?! Its always her! Never fails to have double standards. Never fails to not understand. I'm so depressed I feel like crying already. But no I wont. Crying now would be to admit defeat. I'm not ready to give up. Not yet. The fact that I'm having a fever and a headache doesn't help one damned bit.

I'm seriously considering cancelling friday's lunch to attempt to console sheryl. Console sheryl? In my state? Yeah right. Just GTH will you.

I want to die. Help. And there is one more thing which comes back strongly as when it happened last year... But no one shall know about it.

I want to die.

Wishing for a guardian angel - time traveller

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Wednesday, October 26, 2005

hihi pple... i dunno y i'm here... but well, i shall juz be nice n help my gor post something coz this place really looks quite dead... hmm... anw, i lost e entry i was busy typing juz now... so i'm trying to retype everything... see!!! i went thru all this fuss juz to post something nice for u gor... haha... u better be nicer to me... =P
hmm, firstly, gor been very very very very very X 10^infinity BUSY... he's not burried under tons n tons of work... (yet he still dotaed.. -.- ) hmm.. so do pardon him if he dao u or get pissed off by u... opps.. i mean get angry... erm... yeah.. n he fell SICK!!! (pple, say aww...) AWWW... yeah.. see lar.. tell u slp earlier dun want.. tsk tsk.. so pple... if u catch him still awake at 12midnite... pls pls scold him n make him go to bed.. oh..n remind him to take his medicine... n oso to sleep during lect... n to go home asap.. dun stay in sch so long.. muahaha...
next... hmm.. jie's been ignoring us for quite some time alr... wonder wat happened... kinda worried... so many days no news at all... hopefully she merely go overseas haf hols or wat... n hopefully she had fun... yeah.. while me n gor rot in lectures... ok.. maybe gor din really rot... eh.. .but he got suffocated by e work? haha.. dunno...
recently, i've met up w quite a no of old frens... tho some may not rmb me... well, at least some others did... hmm.. been nice catching up w them... talked quite a bit.. n i realised i really miss them... n miss e fun times we had last time... u guys ever had such a feeling too? been neglecting them for quite some time alr... afterall there's sch work n a lot more other commitments... so pple.. if u happen to haf some free time... call up ur frens n start yakking!!! haha...
oh, n i forgot which music gor wants to change to le... haha... so perhaps tt will hafta wait lor...
eh... i still haven started reading my wu xia xiao shuos... been reading eng bks so far... finished deception pt juz a few days back... now on a sci fic bk... v interesting!! n gor's angels n demons still sitting on my desk... eh.. untouched... e club bk too... yeah... n i did quite a lot of window shopping recently... well, no choice... my wallet is tight... still got lotsa pple owe me money... haha... hmm... yeah.. saw so many nice n cute stuff today... ahh~
hmm.. really really tired le.. juz now doze off in front of e comp... gor too... hmm.. tink we better turn in soon...
nitez n sweet dreams everyone...

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Monday, October 24, 2005

Looking at the state of my life...
Its really pathetic.
What makes people even want to talk to me?
What right do I have to "help" people when I can't even help myself?
The world is actually not a bad place to be in.
You can call me a victim of circumstances.

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I'll be back. I'll come back stronger and harder. So hard, you'll never know what hit you. - time traveller to the world

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Saturday, October 15, 2005

I got over that part. Somehow. I don't know how.

Last of the mid-term tests finished yesterday afternoon, aka friday. Was a basics of maths test. Could go either way. Hoping for the best.

On to happier stuff.

Went out with chieh and meiz after the test. Had some fun at chiehry's expense. Haha. Oops. But methinks mei and I will make a formidable duo. Wahaha! Woe to anyone who crosses our path! =)
And chieh still seems...afraid. Of me. Hm. I wonder what I did. I'm so innocent. And erm. Sorry about accidentally letting slip the 绯闻. It never happened b4. =( I can keep secrets, dun worry. Haha. 洁慧 is supposed to be 纯洁 and 贤慧 right? Heh.

Heh. Basically we slacked the afternoon off. If I keep on doing this I wonder who will do my tutorials for me then. A guardian angel perhaps? Always wanted one of those things.

And oh! Heh. Mei and I still going out tmr. Well not exactly going out. Lunching and mugging more like it. But still. Great to be out of the house twice in two days. Might even get some badminton playing in. But more likely mugging. Why am I so obsessed with the word mugging? See?! Its the 3rd time I'm using it. Something's wrong. But heck. I could do with a life like this. All play and no mugging I mean. Heh.

Well. I've crapped long enough. I've neglected basically everyone. Twice over. Bleah. Time to get my life in shape. Nitey night.

P.S. Must remember to msg mei for wake-up call. =)

Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn't know you left open. - John Barrymore

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Monday, October 10, 2005

And the sun has set and its time to rest
But no I can't cause I'm doing my best
Thinking, worrying, and praying for others
Feeling, caring, and crying for others
Will this ever stop I wonder?
Or will someone come along and say, "fret no longer"?
All I want is a snug and warm blazing fire
To light this world up, thats my desire.
-A very sad time traveller

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Saturday, October 08, 2005

Its been almost 2 weeks since I last blogged. To say that a lot has happened since that would be a gross understatement.
I don't know where to begin.

But still I must begin somewhere.

Right now it feels like my world has been shot to pieces. "1000 words" by Jade is playing on windows media player now. Has it really been that long since I last played FFX-2?
Ah... How carefree life was then!
The song is very enchanting. I won't mind listening to it everyday of my life. I can't believe I've come so far since then. The hiatus from blogging has enabled me to step back to view the bigger picture. About my life. About the people around me. About the things around me. About the things I do. The decisions I make. The thought processes that go through my head.

No, I will not reminisce and I will not be philosophical.

The song has changed. It is now a song from the anime Hunter X. I don't claim to be an anime fan, nor do I watch any, but this song is enthralling to say the least. I took to it the moment I first laid ears on it.

I'm sick and tired of this feeling of helplessness. Everytime something happens, its either I didn't arrive in time to prevent it or I merely aggravated the problem while attempting to lend help or I couldn't do jack to prevent it. Will not helping resolve the problem? Does this world need another cold and unfeeling good-for-nothing? No, I realise it doesn't. This world is sad enough.
I swore I would never walk in the footsteps of you-know-who.
What then?
This dichotomy is killing me inside.
Slowly but surely.
Being torn apart in shreds.
Nobody understands.
Not you.
Not you either.
Least of all you and you.

But I took an oath not to contribute more sadness to this world.
So this is it then...
I bear the weight of the world upon my shoulders.
I bring joy to the world and absorb all its sadness into me.
And all that sadness has nowhere else to go.
Nobody wants to share it.
Yes, Man was born selfish, due to the need for survival.
BUT I REFUSE TO BELIEVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!
Someday, someone will come along, and offer to share the burden, to lift the world up from my shoulders.
Is it too much to ask for?
Perhaps...

Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile. - Albert Einstein

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