mY fAIryTalE_

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Hahaha. Ok the previous post was too melancholic.

Been mugging my days away, and of all the days that I spent at home mugging, all of them were raining in the afternoon! Pffft. Ok la cooling weather, but if you're happy, the rain wont affect you much. If you're neutral or sad, you get sad/sadder. Yar.

But still got to mug la. No choice. I'm having formulas coming out my ears now :D

First paper's tomorrow. Heh. Hope it goes well. It'll be over soon. Yay!

fingers crossed

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Tuesday, April 18, 2006

6 simple words. 6 daggers into my heart.

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Saturday, April 15, 2006

I am in a reflective mood today. I dont know why. Perhaps its due to visiting my friendster. Seeing how other people have changed, seeing how people around me are changing. Evokes a lot of feelings. Its just a plethora of feelings.

I also visited some other places related to my angel. Hmm. Thinking mood indeed.

I dug this out from under my list of previous msn nicks:

盼望着有一天能有天使陪伴在身边。。。永远，永远。。。

It doesn't apply now, because 那一天早已到来 - 天使早已出现了。

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Wednesday, April 12, 2006

5 star trek episodes today, 4 TNG one Enterprise.
One of the TNG episodes stood out.
Its season 4 episode 6 - Legacy.

The episode is about the chance encounter upon a sister of a lost crewmate who had not-so-good intentions, and here's the end-of-episode conversation between Lt. Cmdr Data, an android, and Commander William Riker, first officer of the USS Enterprise:

Riker: In all trust there is the possibility of betrayal. I dont think anybody ever is prepared for that.
Data: Then it is better not to trust?
Riker: (Smiling) Without trust, there's no friendship, no closeness, none of the emotional bonds that make us who we are.
Data: And yet you put yourself at risk?
Riker: (Smiling) Every single time.

It struck me very deeply. Very very deeply. All this talk about who we really are, about trusting people and stuff.

Star trek episodes are... simply one of a kind. -timetraveller

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Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Actually wanted to post this yesterday, but the conditions werent right.

So. Thus ends 2 weeks of high-strung tension. Whenever such a relief comes it always comes with a little wave of something else. But oh well, at least I can take a breather now.

First off I'd like to thank the people who helped me make it through this period. There's you, naturally. Haha. All the "go do" and "go study." Harhar. Cant think of anyone else.
Also, I'd like to thank the people who took the trouble not to disturb me. Yup.

So. Now comes a short siesta before the real horror begins in a little under 2 weeks' time. Yeap. I'll be praying for myself.
And not forgetting that guardian angel who'll be beside me :D

Edit: I forgot to add in quote(s) like I usually do. This one is not an afterthought. I actually meant to post it but it somehow slipped my mind. Must be the guardian angel at work :D

Everytime someone walks into your life you lose a little something and gain a little something else. Only when these little somethings are more than a little that you know you have found what you are looking for. - timetraveller

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Friday, April 07, 2006

Guardian angel... I like the sound of that :D Especially when it works both ways =)

These few days have been a blur but at least I know what was going on.

Must not let fatigue conquer me now. Had a long 4.5 hour recuperative nap earlier.

Ahha. Guardian angel. :D
Ok cant stop thinking about you. Ahha.
-hugs

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Thursday, April 06, 2006

It got through. Finally. After some hard work and some near misses, it finally went through. Ok that is one plus point. And another (happy) burden. And one thing off my mind and one more thing on my mind.

Ok that said...
Hmm maybe I shouldnt even be talking about this.
Ok for the sakes of the people involved, this matter will be under wraps.
I shall remain hopeful as always and hope for the best.
And it has nothing to do with bridge.

But...there is one thing though. You havent been talking to me a lot. I dont even know what happened...
Ok yes I've been caught up elsewhere (to say the least), but it was... how do I say this. Ok yes I know you want my attention. And I am doing whatever I can on top of everything else. Ok I can see that maybe You're concerned that she and I going too fast, but I think... You should just trust me to take care of myself. I've been doing fine in that aspect for the past 7 years.
Ahhh yes. 7 years. The magical number seven...

Nevermind that number. Just another inconsequential thought.

Ok Yanni's "To Take... To Hold" is looping now... A nice piece to help me reflect.
I have a zillion thoughts running through my head at light speed now.

YOUR headache. Trainings. League cup/match. Test on monday. Exams. Tuition kid. YOU, You, and you. Life, the universe, and everything.

I mean, ya okay I wasnt watching the time, I had a lot going through my head, six msn convos at once, and I didnt conciously realise when it was 0000 already. So I missed wishing You k? And ok I JUST HAD TO come up with some lame excuse of saying I wanted to do it when I saw You later. And right now my brain is conjuring more excuses like "Its not my style to wish people on the dot." Ok yes I havent wished anyone for the past 5 years except my mum, and just like You wished me on the dot I wanted to do the same for You, just once. So dumbandstupidandidiotic gilby just had to go and get himself busy and all his thoughts mixed up to forget to wish a special person on the dot. -whacksselfslapsselfbangsheadonwall
I guess I just wanted to say sorry. I know how much it meant to you. And. Happy Birthday.

elationandjoyturnedtodejectionandsorrow - a timetraveller with mixed feelings

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Wednesday, April 05, 2006

An angel. Now more than ever.

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Hmm after waking up at 1045 to some loud alarms and receiving a couple of messages from someone, I switched on the TV and to my horror of horrors amazing race was not playing. So, after checking the programme guide, I found out that there indeed was no amazing race today. pffft.

So after another message from that someone, a thought struck me. Perhaps I should have done it a long time ago, but I just didnt want to last time. But I think I learnt how to let go. I went ahead and did it.
Picking up the phone, lying on the bed, I went through each and every of the past messages from you-know-who and deleted as much as possible, one-by-one.

Hurts. But the pain is transient. I am learning to look past the pain. -timetraveller

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Looking back at my september 25th 2005 post, I realise that a lot of the later part of the post nearly describes what I want to say. (disclaimer: I dont really like the idea of reading my previous posts, but I needed inspiration). And I have Suteki Da Ne looping on my media player.

Reminds me of this song:

November Rain
When I look into your eyes
I can see a love restrained
But darlin' when I hold you
Don't you know I feel the same

'Cause nothin' lasts forever
And we both know hearts can change
And it's hard to hold a candle
In the cold November rain

We've been through this such a long long time
Just tryin' to kill the pain

But lovers always come and lovers always go
An no one's really sure who's lettin' go today
Walking away

If we could take the time to lay it on the line
I could rest my head just knowin' that you were mine
All mine
So if you want to love me then darlin' don't refrain
Or I'll just end up walkin' in the cold November rain

Do you need some time... on your own
Do you need some time... all alone
Everybody needs some time... on their own
Don't you know you need some time... all alone

I know it's hard to keep an open heart
When even friends seem out to harm you
But if you could heal a broken heart
Wouldn't time be out to charm you

Sometimes I need some time... on my own
Sometimes I need some time... all alone
Everybody needs some time... on their own
Don't you know you need some time... all alone

And when your fears subside and shadows still remain, oh yeah
I know that you can love me when there's no one left to blame
So never mind the darkness we still can find a way
'Cause nothin' lasts forever even cold November rain

You're not the only one
You're not the only one
Don't ya think that you need somebody
Don't ya think that you need someone
Everybody needs somebody
You're not the only one
You're not the only one

Don't ya think that you need somebody
Don't ya think that you need someone
Everybody needs somebody
You're not the only one
You're not the only one

Don't ya think that you need somebody
Don't ya think that you need someone
Everybody needs somebody
You're not the only one
You're not the only one

Don't ya think that you need somebody
Don't ya think that you need someone
Everybody needs somebody

Isnt it strange that many times we think we are helping people, but actually we are not? Sometimes we actually make things worse than they are.
Many times, we also make things out to be worse than they actually are.
Is this intrinsic human nature?
We are what we are. That makes us human.
What's inside is what we are. That makes us human.

I know I didnt help one bit. Maybe I even made it worse. Its like looking at your house burn down and knowing the nearest water source was 2 kilometres away. Maybe I even mistook kerosene for water and doused it on the fire.

*breathes*

*chokes on the smoke*

But the bottom line is, maybe all you really wanted and needed was some time to yourself. Maybe I was too blinded to see, hear, and feel that.

I fear. For you. For myself. For everyone involved.
And no I'm not the kind who goes the only thing to fear is fear itself, because I am only human. Fear makes us human.

Its hard not to think about it, because... Its just there. Maybe everyone's been to pre-occupied with it. Maybe I was too presumptuous. Maybe all this was unnecessary.

I dont know anymore.

But what's been said has already been said.
But if I hadn't opened my mouth I wouldn't have known about all these. Right now somebody will just need to believe in herself.

Mariah Carey - Hero

There's a hero
If you look inside your heart
You don't have to be afraid
Of what you are
There's an answer
If you reach into your soul
And the sorrow that you know
Will melt away

And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you'll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you

It's a long road
When you face the world alone
No one reaches out a hand
For you to hold
You can find love
If you search within yourself
And the emptiness you felt
Will disappear

And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you'll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you

Lord knows
Dreams are hard to follow
But don't let anyone
Tear them away
Hold on
There will be tomorrow
In time
You'll find the way

And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you'll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you

The person who tries to live alone will not succeed as a human being. Her heart withers if it does not answer another heart. Her mind shrinks away if she hears only the echoes of her own thoughts and finds no other inspiration

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Monday, April 03, 2006

Yay so happy. First, the CM test is over (ok whether or not I pass is a different story, but its just over)

Second, we're goin shoppin tomorrow! Yay.

And we made a pact yesterday. Shhhhh its a secret. Go away, not telling you.

Hopefully I did make you feel better these past few days. :D

Aut viam inveniam aut faciam - I will either find a way or make one

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Saturday, April 01, 2006

Thanks. Really. Now I know how my patients feel. You made me a patient for one night. Granted you probably couldnt find the right words to say, and what came out might not be what you wanted to say
but what was important was what was not said, and I heard that. Or more importantly, what your heart said. Silence speaks volumes, especially with me.
You might not think it was much, but it set the wheels of thought into motion. It made me feel absolutely better. And I especially liked the part about you punching me, locking me in my room, and giving me a hug when I woke up. Ok maybe next time I'll use it on you. Minus the punching part of course. I absolutely detest any form of ill-treatment of the other gender. Just cant stand it la. So ya, bottom line is I feel loads better. But your situation pains me too, and I havent really talked to you about it. And we both know how bad helplessness can get.
Hmm. And you mentioned me getting someone to help me... But who is willing to do it?
And you wanted to know what caused all this? Now that my head is clearer, I can tell you it was probably caused while doing the previous entry. Something just clicked out of place and the delicate thread snapped. Ya.

Well as you know I'm eager to uhm. Know. But ya I'll just let you do your job and return with a positive reply...

Apologies to ey and gx. And to erick too. Perhaps this is not the best time for this.

Ok the niceties are over. ITS TIME TO UNLEASH MY FURY.
Remember how I said there's only one person I hate? And several more that I dont really like?
Well, this person's status with me now is : Severe dislike.
You know everyone can't stand you. You have AP. AND YOU KNOW WE KNOW THAT. SO JUST STOP FRICKING PUTTING OTHER PEOPLE DOWN WHEN YOU'RE NOWHERE NEAR 1% OF WHAT EVERYBODY CONSIDERS ACCEPTABLE. LIKE YOU'RE SO DAMNED GOOD TO BEGIN WITH. JUST GTH.

I'M TELLING YOU, IF YOU CAUSE THIS TO FALL THROUGH, YOU WILL END UP ON MY HATELIST.

And just for the record its just not in me to hold grudges. I will forget how to hate after a while. I just make special exceptions where needed and forget to forget.

I dont think you'd mind if i plagarised your quote?

you never know when you have truly fallen asleep until you wake up from the slumber - a thinker

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