mY fAIryTalE_

Sunday, September 25, 2005

I'm sorry mei... I know I'm supposed to be sleeping now... But something held me back. In the half hour since we parted I've had the liberty of blog-surfing just like you were. I had a chance to peek into other people's lives. And I realise, that everyone complains. Complaining about commitments, about fyp, about not enough time, about why the world sucks in general. No one, NO ONE, except for two people, mentioned something happy (you know who I'm talking about). Is this a trend? Is this a vicious cycle? Has the world gone mad????

I know there are people who care for me. I know that its wrong of me to sit and sulk and wallow in my own compost. And I know, that by making complaints right here, I'll be like all the other people I mentioned above. Do I want to be like them?? NO!! I want control of my life. My thoughts. My actions. My feelings. I want to be myself.

I have to reach inside and find the part of me I never knew existed.

It sounds so stupid doesn't it?

Right now I have the Final Fantasy X intro theme playing. Its in piano. And its good.
And then I set to think...

So what if my world has gone to pieces? There are people willing to come help me pick them up and assemble them together again right?
Right?
Or am I just deceiving myself again...?

I've done a lot of thinking in the past half hour. About me. About myself. About the people around me. About some people more than others. About a few more people.

And no I still don't get it. Why is the world unhappy? Why am I unhappy? Am I unhappy????
Why are things the way they are?

Do people really make a difference in this world? If yes then why is this world in such a presumably bad shape? If not then what is the reason for our existence?

Do you really think that a sentence of "Don't worry, you'll be fine" or "Trust me, you'll get through this" really helps? No... A sentence is just mere words. It can be altered, changed to one's will, can be adapted to one's circumstances.
What helps, is the love underlying those sentences. Love cannot be quantified, cannot be written down, cannot be seen, cannot be heard, cannot be physically manifest or physically altered.
It can only be felt with the heart.
And once you've felt it, you'll agree.

And I have reached a conclusion.

I was unhappy. I was complaining.
No longer.
I am starting to see the truth.
That I can help myself. That I must help myself.
That others can help me. That others are willing to help me.
And that I must accept their help.
So that this world won't be as bad as it seems. So that we all may survive on this world.

I have reached another conclusion.

This world needs more love. More light. More truth.
Words of wisdom, step aside.
Love, come on in.
Love rules =)

The person who tries to live alone will not succeed as a human being. His heart withers if it does not answer another heart. His mind shrinks away if he hears only the echoes of his own thoughts and finds no other inspiration. - Pearl S. Buck

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Thursday, September 22, 2005

I'm dying... Smiling on the outside, lonely on the inside... So lonely that I'm dying...
Who is to rescue me...?
No one...
Who will rescue me...?
No one...
Is there someone I can turn to...?
No one...
Someone who will...... who will...... who will what...?
Still no one...
Someone... Anyone...?
Again no one...

May the Lord have mercy on my soul. - time traveller

At 11:51 am, Anonymous said...: U can turn to me ! =PpP
At 1:20 am, Anonymous said...: iN THE rythm of life, we sometimes find ourselves out of tune, but as long as there are friends to provide the melody, the music plays on...
TAKE CARE =D
At 4:40 am, time traveller said...: Words can't express my gratitude.

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Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Are you curious as to what this question might be? At this point in time you will have no idea... At least not until I mention the fact that it is 0430 am in the morning. Well your next question will be, "What the heck is this guy doing at 0430 hrs in the morning?"
The truth is, I have no answer.
And no I didn't think it'd be very funny posting it here when I know people are reading it.
I just felt, well, nostalgic.
Whatever happened to sleeping early?
Is it some abstract concept that my simplistic brain just cannot comprehend?
Or is it some metaphysical influence that is compelling me to disregard my rest time?
Or perhaps it is a mere figment of my imagination, my subconsious clutching at straws.

And suddenly it hits me. The notion of 极爱变成极恨 is suddenly not so abstract, so far-fetched, and seems very real. And I understand why.
My world is crumbling all around me. I am not spending enough time with people who deserve it. I am not spending enough time on my work. My day deserves 30 hours. Everybody deserves 30 hours a day.
GTH.

十年之功毁于一旦所得州郡一朝全休社稷江山难以中兴乾坤世界无由在负。- 岳元帅

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Sunday, September 18, 2005

Whew. Its the term-break. Finally. The much-needed break. When everyone else is preparing for exams, I am resting. Or so I believe. My amount of homework has reached a new and staggering record. And I am blatantly ignoring it. Yeah right!! I'm (unsuccessfully) conducting my attack on it. At least there are other things that break the drudgery of everyday life.

Friday... hmmm. What a day. I kept telling myself I should not have woken up. Liza agreed. Mei agreed. And so did everyone else I spoke to. Probably its cause this maniacal berserk hyper state is contagious. And I happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. The math test was horrible. To say the least. I'll be glad not to flunk. And then afterwards met mei... who just so happened saw yh at the classbench and so dragged her out to meet me. What a nice mei. So after yh happily abandoned us much to our chagrin, we went town to shop for pressies for two of her good friends, px and kl. And suffice to say we did find some stuff that met our (mei's) needs. "Cannot buy this, cannot buy that." URGH!! But its over and we got over it. And we didn't return home empty-handed (more on why I didn't later).
So... after that we headed to the library@ orchard and I grabbed a textbook, following which we headed to the yoshi @ taka for dinner. Whew. (The day ain't over yet, don't heave a sigh of relief so quickly).
Subsequently I discovered something about my mei's "heat retention/radiation capacity" (big grinz). And then we caught a bus towards nygh for the maf celebrations. Unfortunately we arrived in time just to hear them announce the end of the performance. However that did nothing to deter our dear mei... who promptly got right into socialising, leaving me open-mouthed and speechless. So there I was, a lonely time traveller in unfamiliar territory (which, I must say, still looks somewhat like a fire station), with nowhere to go. So I entertained myself by walking all around the campus, which wasn't very big anyway. Luckily I did not have long to wait before mei turned herself in, aka came hunting for me.
Hmph.
So we went our separate ways after that.
Guess where I went? Nope you'll never be able to guess.
I went to collect a book I sent for zapping a couple of days ago. A textbook. Yeah thats right. At 2130 hours. Which made me reach home rather late.
After which I settled in for more crapping. I realise, that that night, was the crappiest night cause I crapped so much and did so many silly and stupid things and I'm still regretting it.

But its over. And so I slept in on saturday morning. S msg'ed me to say good morning at 10. Being 9/10ths asleep, I didn't reply. But thinking back, that was so sweet!!!! And I went back to sleep, finally waking at 1230. I just can't start to describe how good this mon-kei is. There's so many ways to start and so much to say =) (And since when did I become a monkey too? =Pp)
Basically I slacked the day off, managing to come close to finishing one phy tut and starting another. Dota'ed the rest of the night. Well. its 0220 hours. I realise my inbox is chock-full and I have new messages. I clear some to find that someone has messaged me. It doesn't take a genius to guess who. And being the stupid person I am who doesn't clear his inbox, its too late to reply. But I shall remember it. With my heart.
This is a long post.
This shall be the end of the post.

P.S. Happy Mid-Autumn Festival everybody!

If I know what love is, it is because of you. -Herman Hesse

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Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Behold.
Protector of light. Keeper of truth. Bringer of hope. Angel of dawn. Dominion of peace. Messenger of love. Seraphim of power.
Behold.

Opportunity is missed by most because it is dressed in overalls and looks nondescript. -Thomas Alva Edison/time traveller

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Monday, September 12, 2005

Is happy is happy!
Haha.
First and foremost, yesterday I managed to finish my math tutorials! Both!! Before 7pm!! Wahaha. What a pleasant surprise.
And then today the tuts went without a hitch. So it was a pleasant day.
Your day doesn't have to be very exciting to be nice.

And then... today someone beat me at my very best language:

[ ++ Serene =) (twinkle twinkle little star) ++] says:
when pl ask u smth, u wan to admit but to shy to admit, so u smile. So smile equals to admit...
[ ++ Serene =) (twinkle twinkle little star) ++] says:
true?
~~Gilby~~(",)...Mon-KEEEE-ey says:
i take it as true lor
[ ++ Serene =) (twinkle twinkle little star) ++] says:
then smile = equal
[ ++ Serene =) (twinkle twinkle little star) ++] says:
u agree de..
[ ++ Serene =) (twinkle twinkle little star) ++] says:
[ ++ Serene =) (twinkle twinkle little star) ++] says:
thanks!
~~Gilby~~(",)...Mon-KEEEE-ey says:
erm
~~Gilby~~(",)...Mon-KEEEE-ey says:
is that going to affect me or smth?
[ ++ Serene =) (twinkle twinkle little star) ++] says:
~~Gilby~~(",)...Mon-KEEEE-ey says:
lol what is it that u didnt want to admit
[ ++ Serene =) (twinkle twinkle little star) ++] says:
~~Gilby~~equals...Mon-KEEEE-ey
[ ++ Serene =) (twinkle twinkle little star) ++] says:
(",) = equals

and then I was speechless. Haha.
Oops I better not get too high. Once the adrenaline wears off I'm gonna drop like a ton of bricks.

Argh. I'm getting more and more tired by the day. Luckily mid-term break is nearly here... with one math test in the way before it starts...

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love. - Albert Einstein

At 9:57 am, Anonymous said...: I'm here trying giv ur heart a lift n shout .. Must hang in there!要坚持住啦! =PpP

Rmb:
" If life is a picnic, enjoy it! "
If u choose To STaRt eAcH dAy iN a hAPpy wAy...
EVeRyDaY cAn Be E sTaRt Of SoMeThInG gOoD..WHeN yOu'Re hApPy, ThErE aRe RaInBoWs EvErYdAy...
No matter what, not matter where...
At 8:20 pm, time traveller said...: Oh man that's so nice of euuu!! =Pp

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Saturday, September 10, 2005

I heard. I heard what you said. I listened. I listened to what you said. And most importantly, I heard what you did not say.

I know it is difficult. I know. Do you know I want to help? Do you know how much it hurts to feel helpless? But I know you will let me help. And I won't let you down.

The world isn't perfect,
Nothing ever is.
But to look beyond the defect,
To see it as it was.

So many times, so many hurts,
So much pain, so much sadness.
A little time, a little caring word,
Will mend your heart, and the soul inside.

When you lose your way,
You know who to look for.
When u see the light of day,
You know you've found your door.

The door that leads to my soul,
The door that is forever open.
The door that knows its role,
To welcome you into the comforts within.

You say you are afraid,
I say fear not for I am here.
Let me be your guardian angel,
Your wisdom and your light.

Whenever you need me,
I'll be here.
I will never leave you,
Ever.
That is my promise,
From me to you.

Love doesn't make the world go 'round; love is what makes the ride worthwhile. -Franklin P. Jones

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I need to do work. But I have neither the mood nor the feeling to do any right now.

And... sorry.

At 10:46 am, time traveller said...: Its nothing, really. Think nothing of it.

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Friday, September 09, 2005

你认识我吗？你了解我的心情吗？你经历过这种感受吗？？你否知道路有多难走？？你否知道一切的一切...？

你知道吗... 做人不需要很聪明，不需要很富有，不需要很厉害。其实做人普普通通就可以了，不一定要做什么特别人物。可是，这种简单，甚至有人会说单纯，的想法，在现在的现实世界中已经找不到了。现在没有所谓的美满幸福，没有所谓的天长地久，没有所谓的真正爱情。难道这都已成定局？
我不信。
我坚持不信。

你知道这个世界最需要的是什么吗？
不知道？
我也不知道。
什么创造美好的世界... 都是一堆废话。
真的是废话吗？
我依然相信这个世界有奇迹。相信奇迹的存在。相信黑暗后会有光芒。

其实，这个世界最需要的是...爱。- 时空穿梭者

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Thursday, September 08, 2005

Been ages since I was here... schoolwork's really piling up and I'm looking forward to the mid-term break.

And... I discovered a secret today. Nope don't bother asking. None of you shall know. That's why its called a secret, silly. =)

Why do I get a bad feeling about it?? I know I'm supposed to be feeling happy, but the apprehension is overwhelming...
Is it another feeling of deja vu????

You call it madness, but I call it love. -Don Byas

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Monday, September 05, 2005

Due to a request... This is a small transcript of part of episode 2 of My Date with a Vampire 3, 我和僵尸有个约会3. It will be in mandarin and then I'll attempt to translate it =)

小玲想着天佑，并打开了她随身带着的项链。

天佑：怎么了？不开心吗？

小玲：有一点吧。

天佑：有一件事情我们不知道能不能做到。和你相识的日子虽然不是很久，但是经历的实在太多了。在这段日子里你给我最大的体会是原来时间根本就没有意义。就算让你做了僵尸可以长生不老又怎么样呢？到头来还是要寂寞一生，比死更加难受。相反短暂的相遇，有时还可以令人死而无憾。小玲，你答应我，我们一起忘记这个世界有时间的存在，忘记有生死离别，甚至是生命的长短。我们唯一要做的就是珍惜现在，就算下一秒是世界末日，只要这一秒还没有到，这些都不是事实。事实只有一个，就是这一刻，我们都还在一起。

小玲把项链关起来。

Xiaoling is thinking of Tianyou, and opens up the pendant of her necklace.

Tianyou: Well? Feeling unhappy?

Xiaoling: Perhaps a little.

Tianyou: There's something I don't know whether or not we can do. Although I have not known you for very long, there is just too much that we went through. During this period of time the feeling that you gave me is that the concept of time has no meaning. So what even if you became a vampire and could live forever? In the end you'd still be alone, a fate worse than death. On the other hand, being acquainted for a short period of time can sometimes allow people to die without regrets. Xiaoling, promise me something. Let us forget that time exists on this world, forget life and death and partings, and even forget the transience of life. The only thing we must do now is to treasure the present. Even if the next second was the end of the world, as long as that second has not arrived, all that will not be reality. What is real is that right at this moment, we are still together.

Xiaoling closes the pendant.

“我马小玲，我况天佑，不能同生，只愿同死，千秋万世，至死不渝。”

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Sunday, September 04, 2005

Whew. Many many things have happened in the past few hours!! Today is one of the best days of my life =)

Well, first and foremost... YH's mystery has been unveiled! Okok granted I am one of the last few people to know, but still! Now I know. I still have that adage: Listen to your heart, but don't be blinded by love. And so the story goes on...

And then YH, XY and CH bullied S!!!! How could u... Wait she don't like u pple... Or worse... nvm.
Monkey... don't fret k?? They bully u come tell me =P I got ways to deal with them. Heh.

And then there's XY... XY ah XY... don't worry so much k... It'll all work out. Trust me. And show the world your true self. Everybody needs to feel loved sometime. And YH... better seriously ask yourself the important questions k! I wish you the best even tho...heh, nvm. And CH ah... aiyo... haha actually I'm not bad mouthing u k... but everyone say u v blur... then I witnessed some events too. Haha. Ok sorry. Haha!!!!!! I really am sorry. Wahahahaha!!!! Anyway, work hard ya... you'll get where you want to go in the end. Have faith. Believe.

And finally I told M about all that has transpired... certainly was a lot, and I came away a wiser man...

1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not selfseeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.

At 10:41 pm, Anonymous said...: Haha, no la.. I won't dislike them one.. cos deep in my heart, I know that yest they are actually trying to lighten the whole atmosphere..n it;s actually quite cute to see u all chat.. =)
At 11:46 pm, time traveller said...: Hehe. I apologise on their behalf =)
At 1:32 pm, Anonymous said...: hihi...
opps... hehe.. i'm very nice one ok... its juz tt a bit unlucky if its me plus yh... haha... n coz its e HOLS for us!!!! yippppeeee!!! tt's y we a bit too hyper lar...haha.. erm.. yeah.. a bit hysterical lor... =P n tt ch is soooo blur... haha...
n thanks a lot to s..hehe.. now gil cannot say we mean le.. muahahaha... =P see pple so understanding... gil muz learn frm her lor... XP
-XY
At 2:20 pm, YH Tan said...: wahhahaa.. i agree with xh!.. yeah!.. S's so nice.. lol.. and gil.. must duo duo xiang ta xue xi.. jiayou oh! *winkz*.. (u know what i mean.. hahaha).... but then again.. xh!.. what do u mean by "its juz tt a bit unlucky if its me plus yh".. pff.. hahaha.. u're the one who's going crazier.. =).. lol.. MADNESS!!!!..MUGLIDAYS are here..... wheeeeeeeeeeeeee=)
At 9:03 pm, time traveller said...: Haha... Well. You girls enjoy your hols ya... S and I still must work hard =P

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Saturday, September 03, 2005

Today was kind of an interesting day.

First off I woke at 9am and started doing tutorials without having breakfast. When was the last time u saw me doing that? Erm... Never?? Haha.

Then in the afternoon went down to sch guild house to play the interclub.
Not that bad... but it proves the club people still need more training.
And guess what? We played HCI. Mwahahaha. CH and I played YW and CH. Well I sorta guessed their identities, but not having seen them before obviously I wouldn't know who was who. So I asked whether they played BBO often. "Yes," came back the reply. Turning to the shorter and seemingly shyer of the two, I asked what her nick was. "Blurred." And without thinking, I blurted, "YW?" (This goes to show how little sleep I have.) And both of them burst out laughing, and I joined in moments later when the truth hit me like a ton of bricks that I had mixed up their identities.
So there, it goes to show that such little little events can make (or break) your day. I'm still hoping that the 4 of them (XY, YW, CH, YH) all come to NUS =P

If you have love in your life it can make up for a great many things you lack. If you don't have it, no matter what else there is, it's not enough. -Ann Landers

At 2:36 am, time traveller said...: Hi there... do I know you?

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Thursday, September 01, 2005

I am so burnt out. School plus bridge and probably chess is starting to kill. I am looking forward to when all this is over. Which isn't anytime soon. But all the same its good to have some hope, even if I'm only clutching at straws.

The stress is mounting. And so is the pile of homework. Who will understand?? Who can I share it with?? Who... who... who...
All the pain, all the joy, all the agony, all the elation, all the despair, all the hope...

It'd be so good if only... and only if...
What if...? How could...? Can it...? Should it...?

I think too much. And I'll go to bed. For once, before 12.

P.S. CH and I got 2nd yesterday, after Mark and Edmund. =)

P.P.S. I just received more devastating news. Charles' mother has passed on. Let us bow our heads and observe a couple minutes' silence in loving memory of a dedicated mother and wife.

When you love someone, you'll do crazy things you can't explain, you sacrifice, give everything you've got and don't think twice.

At 11:29 pm, Anonymous said...: hihi... aww... poor u...
hmm.. chess??? did i see wrongly???
aiyoh.. relax lar... haha... quote frm my frens out there... boat reach bridge naturally straight.. haha... ur language so powerful sure noe wat it mean one...
anw, juz jia you lor... perhaps u shld take a break like me!!! haha... i'm not gonna step out of e house tml!!! gonna juz stay home n rest!!! yay!!! juz for one day... to be freed of all those responsibilities n such... yup... recharge my battery...
-XY
At 12:07 am, time traveller said...: arloez =P nope you didn't see wrongly... chess... I was a former chess player before I converted =)

And perhaps I should take a break... things have been getting too hectic. But there's no time to take a rest... So must carry on...
At 12:02 pm, YH Tan said...: jiayou ah!=).. haha.. i'm slacking now to recharge.. yay.. lolz.. must slp more.. i woke up at 9.. but lazed around in bed until 1130.. hahaa. ain't i pro.. =).. most importantly.. must
-SMILE-!!!!!!=D
At 12:16 pm, time traveller said...: Yeah girl! =P thanks arhz =))
But you must work hard too k!! =PpP
At 2:45 pm, Anonymous said...: hehe... i beat u to it man.. yh, haha... i woke at 10+am... den lazed around.. n slept again.. den woke at 12noon!!! arent i brilliant? =P
chess referring to chinese chess or international chess? haha... tho i haf a feeling its more likely its e latter... hmm.. but on second thots it may be e former too... coz u erm... pro cheena stuff? haha... ^^
well, jia you den!!!
-XY
At 8:36 pm, time traveller said...: Its the latter... actually I used to play both... chi chess in lower sec and int chess in upper sec. So there =)
But I didn't play chess in JC caz the team was horrible. =)

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