So many things to do, so little time. I actually have to bid for my modules and electives huh... Man, I can foresee the headache ahead. Argh!
Where's my light? Where's my guiding hand? Where's my guardian angel...?
Going Uni wasn't as easy as it looked at first.
看得见的,听得到的,都可能是假的。但心里的感觉,却一定是真的。 - 时空穿梭者
That's right! Today's matriculation day! Whoo hoo! Am I supposed to be happy or even ecstatic? Lol. I dunno, but it certainly does pay. I am losing out to a headache tho. I wonder. And wonder.
Earlier on...
08:58 am
Again the same situation. Again the same apprehension, again the same thoughts.
Given up hope yet? Never! Not on your life. The same recurring themes, but losing sight of the objective was never an option.
09:45 am
This isn't happening. I'm way to early, to say the least.
And some people are real SOBs.
Always nice to see a familiar face in uncertain times. Its just me though. As always, I wonder what today has in store for me.
10:15 am
What the hell. Still too early. I think I'll go in. Or shouldn't I? Heh.
A while later...
Damnit. Instead of gettng shorter the queue has gotten increasingly longer.
This is so not happening.
Infuriating at best.
And I still have a headache despite my repeated ingestion of painkillers.
Around 11:00 am
Wheeeeeee! I am now officially a student of NUS! =PpP
Matric wasn't as difficult and tedious as I first thought.
And seeing QX, QW, GX, CH and LC and WS manning the bridge/chess booth wasn't that bad either =)
And since I was already there I asked who needed a partner for the night, and I got CH to be my pard for the night. Heh. Cause I was gonna cash and carry my notebook anyway, and no point lugging it home during the day, so I might as well stay and make myself useful. Hopefully I will have an easier time locomoting it home. =P
All in all it wasn't a bad day, meeting old friends, seeing some new ones too, like Mervyn and mich's SP. Ok I wouldn't exactly call mich's SP a friend, but he's just so famous among us =)
And I reached home with semi-raw skin from lugging that new monster around. The plastic handle cuts you know. Still, it is an accomplishment.
However, it feels like my day isn't over yet...
看得见的,听得到的,都可能是假的。但心里的感觉,却一定是真的。 - 时空穿梭者
Today had a helluva day. Here's why.
08:18 am
This is The day when exceptions are the norm. When was the last time you saw me wake up at 0715 on a sunday morning? When was the last time you saw me going out on sunday for this kind of thing? ie volunteer work.
If you were me you'd keep your eyes peeled for this sort of thing the whole day.
I am expecting a day like no other.
Right now some solitude on the train on my way to school is very welcome. It gives me time to think things through in peace. Alone.
09:00am
So hilarious! I'm looking at april from behind the queue of 2 other people at the 96 bus bay. She's looking back and we are almost in fits of uncontrollable laughter. (Thus proving once and for all that life is indeed very funny.) And this was just 5 seconds after I received her message that she just missed the bus. Heh. I told you this was an unusual day.
13:06
It was raining but it stopped as suddenly as it had begun. We are still short one person. Makes me wonder. Sometimes people tell me I shouldn't think so much, but does this seem like a controllable thing?? Fancy telling a thinking person that he can't think. Ridiculous. And I was made an offer I couldn't refuse... Well, hope you do come.
around 15:00-16:00
We are all dead tired from seeing unending piles of cans. You ain't coming. That's alright. I suppose. And besides, since KM left, honks and mich turned up! What a surprise and relief. I'm having the beginnings of a migraine and april is starting to complain of backache. This doesn't bode well. Not exactly the ending I had in mind. Then again, we don't think we can take it anymore and take our leave, throwing the rest of the mess to the fresher and more energetic people =) .
A mini dumpling snack with the person who never ceases to amaze me! We decide to snack to satisfy her sudden urge. Lol. And on the way back I couldn't help laughing at her stories, even though my brain hurt like hell.
17:53
On the bus home. This confirms again why I hate these kind of people. They're damn unruly, and it seems they don't grow past puberty. Ever.
Home reached at around 18:00
Felt like a dead cow that still had the mother of all headaches. No aspirin. No tylenol. Man.
I had kinda interesting day, considering... many factors.
I should get down to doing what I should do.
Yes I should.
“我马小玲,我况天佑,不能同生,只愿同死,千秋万世,至死不渝。”
We talked you know. Just like old times. I suppose that's good. She kept asking and telling me stuff that I didn't understand. But I think I'm beginning to understand. Or at least I think I am.
Still, it feels like half the battle is won already.
I should sleep.
TTFN!
看得见的,听得到的,都可能是假的。但心里的感觉,却一定是真的。 - 时空穿梭者
Didn't even want to roll out of bed at 1pm, but eventually I still got up. I should probably sleep early tonight also. I need to get my body clock back to normal! I realise I have the mother and father of all headaches but I just want to ignore it now.
Dota'ed. With Henry.
After the first game I noticed she had messaged me. Something about a movie. I accepted in half a nanosecond. But it turned out to be an aborted movie date cause the movie was R21. Still.
Spent the rest of the evening doing nothing in general. My life sucks.
看得见的,听得到的,都可能是假的。但心里的感觉,却一定是真的。
Its close to the end of the day... And here's what happened in the meantime...
11:43 am
Here I am at Orchard mrt. Both Wannee and April will be late. They are this close to pang seh'ing me. I hate it when this happens, although I anticipate it. Wannee forgets to bring my book, as is expected. Why am I not surprised by these things happening anymore?
Why am I even outside at a time before I usually even wake up?
Honestly, I don't know. You think I'll get up so early? Think again. I didn't sleep the whole of last night.
Again.
I feel like shit.
Look at me. This is what I've become.
Like shit.
I've a massive headache that just won't go away no matter what I do. It'd be nice if I could just lie down and sleep my life away. Is that what I really want? I don't even know. The longer I live the less I understand myself. What the hell.
My world has been shot, eaten up, chewed, and spat out in pieces.
Damn you all.
2:10 pm
We're in Yoshinoya at taka.
And we're looking at the shop opposite yoshi (forgot its name) which has a tv outside showing all the cooking and stuff.
Suddenly revived a cooking fervour in me. Probably due to april.
Heh.
Probably will execute it some time much later.
...Back to reality at home meanwhile.
Today's trip was rather a success. For me at least. I picked up my HBP! Yay. I also bought 2 other books and a few albums. The 2 of them didn't buy anything. But I suppose if you can't find anything you want, then its ok. Wannee talked the most. As usual. But sometimes april and I poked fun at her. Heh.
We got stuck in borders for quite some time. April with her palmistry, wannee with astrology for dummies. Me with my aerodynamics. I wonder what got into us, lol.
And it turns out that the quiet and secret study place wasn't so quiet anymore, because of coffee bean. urgh!
Then on to HMV. Found some stuff I liked. Probably going to get april's recommendations soon.
And then Robinsons'. I was wondering what we were there for until april went to the pen section on the 3rd floor, then it struck me. The dean's present. Lol. And I went with them to the bags section on 2nd floor. And since we had to go soon, we accompanied our poor ever-hungry april to delifrance for some potato dish that I can't name. She had tuition after that you see, and no dinner. So a snack first for her. Then we went to somerset mrt and made our separate ways.
Haha funny things happened to april and I on the mrt as well, but they shan't be mentioned here.
Oh and before I forget, we actually discovered a small Venezia outlet at Centerpoint. By accident. You'll be glad to know that one more place carries it.
I was napping for a couple of hours, so couldn't reply you. Don't blame me ya. Was really really very tired. I suppose I should sleep now... But no, not yet. I can't sleep yet...
You think I ever get up so early? Think again.
I didn't sleep the whole night. At all.
A minor case of insomnia. I'm gonna give you 3 guesses why but you're only going to need one.
And I still have the shopping trip to think about.
I'm still going.
No sleep for 46 hours straight then.
What a good life I have.
It wasn't any ordinary promise. It was the one I made to myself about dota.
Its the 4th day. I suppose I could say that I was merely reducing it to 3 days.
I suppose I could last for 7 days if I really wanted. Its partly Henry's fault.
Am I lying to myself? I don't know and I don't want to find out.
Just came back from the duplicate bridge session @ NUS. Will update my thoughts...
6:15 pm
Now just on the way out @ YCK mrt. First time in a long time I've seen so many people around, and most of them seem happy.
Happiness - Is it that elusive?
I hate fighting the rush hour crowd now.
The train is especially crowded.
It also doesn't help that I'm feeling apprehensive to start with. I still think it was wrong to come out.
No matter, what I think now is immaterial - I am already on my way towards an impending doom. What a stupid idiot I am for thinking that.
God help me, Lord have mercy on my soul.
6:48 pm
Just came out from Clementi mrt about to board the bus.
I am late.
D-Day H-Hour is approaching rapidly and I am prepared to face it with the utmost uncertainty.
7:16 pm
Just got off the bus. There was this girl whose non-stop hysterical laughter chilled me to the bone on the bus.
And she got off at the same stop as me.
Well I'm heading off straight towards oblivion now.
Wish me luck.
TTFN.
11:11 pm
I am on the train platform.
Another wave of strange feelings.
I am observant. She didn't do something. 1st good sign.
She was was laughing throughout like nothing happened. 2nd good sign.
She even managed to scold me for screwing up boards. 3rd good sign.
But was it all for real? I want to think so, but what if...?
Right now I don't know how to think, what to think, and I don't want to think.
Back at home...
Its midnight when I get home. Absolutely tired, but I have no wish to sleep. Even if I wanted to I won't be able to sleep.
有些时候,不是因为寂寞才想你,而因为想你才寂寞。。。
Strangely enough I just experienced another wave of strange feeling. I don't really know what it felt like. It felt like...angst, relief and uncertainty about the future all rolled into one.
I just made a new friend! Her name's Serene, she's 18, and she stays a couple of blocks away from me. Heh. Always nice to know a new friend.
Also chatted with April about Harry Potter in general.
Looked through my friendster. A lot of people have changed. Can't say most of it is for the better, but looking through their photos certainly brings back memories. Nostalgia, someone once called it. I suppose that's where I got that feeling.
A weird kind of feeling.
It was as if someone said to me, "Look dude, that's your past. Here's your present. Move on. Write your future."
Sure, I can live with that.
Can I?
I'm not sure.
Am I even willing to try?
I suppose so... I think.
Let the past hold on to itself and let the present move forward into the future. - time traveller
A couple of days ago, I asked myself what would happen if I stayed away from dota for a week. I didn't really promise myself or anything, but I just made a mental note to try.
Its the 2nd day now. Still going strong. Nothing noteworthy happened yet. Just feels like I have a little more free time.
We'll see how it goes.
TTFN.
我宁愿她们用仇恨将我的生命结束,也不愿意放弃爱情来换取生存。。。
I posed that question to Sherms on the night of the 15th. He said I shouldn't and I didn't. I posed that question again to April and Wannee on the night of the 17th. They both said I should, and I did. It brought forth results. Unexpected results. Don't know what to feel. Don't know if good or bad. I promise not to think too much into it k? But as always I will plan for the worst and hope for the best. Although reality often deviates from the plan, but that is besides the point.
Alright on to brighter stuff: Shopping spree with April and Wannee on thurs! I am soooo looking forward to it. Will be glad to lighten my wallet and lift the spirits.
I feel the weight of the world upon my shoulders,
and I see no way to ease my burden. -time traveller
Another therapeutic session with April. Heh. Thanks ar... but I wasn't really concentrating leh cause I was bridging with PY and JP wor, paiseh leh. =)
I could get used to this =PpP
Hah guess what? April came online at 0215, so I thought I'd just say hi. And we talked until 0340.
Brings back memories of the times we talked through the night and then some.
Conversing with April is revitalising, to say the least. Heh. Felt loads better after talking to her. We went on and on about food and how she wants to learn how to bake crumbles and why we're all such messy and lazy creatures and stuff.
And for the first time in close to a month, I smiled. I laughed. Wow. Heeeeee. Oops I'm getting carried away, heh. She will be glad to know she will be high on my list of people to visit on days when the-world-sucks-in-general. And she'll probably agree =PpP. Thanks arh girl =) I think a PG is fine for your blog. Just don't forget the "Not for the faint and weak of heart" in big bold letters =)
Hmm my juniors are having their online OKBridge semi-finals match against MIT later at 0930. Yes its That MIT - the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. And we're all invited to go and watch and dota at the same time. I'm wondering if I can even drag myself out of bed by noon =P Still, I guess it won't hurt to go later, although this is a really tough one to decide =) I guess that's life for you and me.
Ownership itself causes problems aplenty.
I'm scared...
I stretch out my trembling hand...
No one else reaches out a hand to help me...
Everyone shies away from me...
I fall down...
Into a deep abyss...
...Would you hold my hand, if I saw you in heaven?
Would you help me stand, if I saw you in heaven?...
为什么?为什么?? 为什么老是有这种感觉? 你是否了解这种感觉十分不好受?你了解我的痛苦吗??
我觉得自己越来越虚伪。你骂我也好,打我也好,算是我对不起你了。。。
你知道吗? 我觉得自己做人很失败。。。自己都自身难保了还要想去帮别人。。。简直是在痴心妄想做白日梦。。。你说可笑吗。。。
不。。。你根本不了解我的感受。。。你不了解我的想法。。。不了解我的心情。。。
这个世界上还会有谁能了解我呢? 能和我分担一切的痛苦和快乐, 悲伤与欢喜?
相见时难别亦难。。。
Fate is like a piece of paper... You never know how many sides there are to it.
Fate is also like a box of chocolates... You never know what you'll get next.
But sometimes Fate can be cruel.
It is during those times that we turn to those closest to us to look for strength and support.
But sometimes you are all alone.
It is during those times that we have to look within ourselves and find the strong side of us that we never knew we had.
Have faith. Believe.
Powerful words for mere mortals.
"Do not run, we are your friends."
How true that phrase is in life.
It teaches us to recognise who we can trust.
Who we can put our faith in.
Who we can confide our innermost thoughts and desires to.
Choose carefully. Be wise. Have faith. Believe.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not selfseeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
I'm so tired, so very tired... Sometimes I wish I could take a rest, but I cannot stop now... So no matter the cost, I will soldier on, shrugging off lethargy and seeing this through...
TO see the World in a grain of sand,
And Heaven in a wild flower,
To hold Infinity in the palm of your hand,
And Eternity in an hour...
Life is a strange thing. You win some, and then you lose some. You may sometimes think you lose more than you win, but actually you don't. Life has a funny way of balancing it all out, like a pair of scales. You giveth with one hand and you taketh with the other.
Sometimes in life you are given choices. Sometimes your decisions are easy. And sometimes your options are equally unpleasant. But still, life has a way of making it up to you, directly or indirectly. What goes around comes around, remember?
Sometimes you may think life is nasty to you. But "Life" has no feelings, no ambitions. It cannot think for itself, cannot make choices, cannot reach out, cannot feel. And yet, it is this strange dichotomy of life that is reflected in every single one of us, that makes us so unique. Life has other ways of making it up to you, because life is special in its own strange way.
But still life goes on.
TO see the World in a grain of sand,
And Heaven in a wild flower,
To hold Infinity in the palm of your hand,
And Eternity in an hour...
Have you ever wondered why you are you? Why you were born into this world? Why you have a consciousness? Why you can control your limbs, your thoughts, your actions?
I have, when I was very young.
I used to think about all these, and more.
Like, what will happen to me after I die?
Or, is there life out there?
Or even, is time travel possible?
These are all questions that have been asked by mankind since time immemorial...
I do wish I had the answer to at least one of them.
Hey people... the Piano Spa and David Nevue albums are soooooooo good ok... people please go and buy them and listen =PpP
Sure they sound melancholic, but what better pieces to serenade yourself with? =P
So please do yourself a favour and give your ears (and brain) the piano treat of their lives =)
Morning,
All was calm.
Then,
A zeyphr of wind,
grew into a gust,
and escalated,
into a storm.
Leaves, flowers alike,
swept round and round,
in the eddies.
Suddenly,
the torrent abated.
And,
peace and serenity,
Returned,
Once more.
I suddenly had the strangest feeling...
I cannot make it... I am barely hanging on... So busy out there, so lonely inside... So lonely, that I'm dying inside...
有些时候,不是因为寂寞才想你,而因为想你才寂寞。。。
Just came back from Chen Shu Lan...the kids were mostly very nice! My kid was rather quite a handful only towards the end, but still it was fun! And there were people who asked me to commit...
I don't want to believe in coincidences... but why is it that we have 2 same thoughts within the same day...? Maybe its just me thinking too much. Maybe I need to feel wanted. Maybe...
有些时候,不是因为寂寞才想你,而因为想你才寂寞。。。
The movie was lame, extremely. At least I had company. So wasn't so bad. But still feel like it was a waste of money.
Oh man... Why is it this way? Even you succumb to thoughts of foreboding nature... Is it merely a coincidence? I don't believe in coincidences... Or could it be because we think the same way?
I remember you once said before that you didn't believe in the best-laid plans, and I remarked that while that was true, I still preferred to put my faith in proper planning.
Perhaps I am beginning to see the folly of my belief. Perhaps I don't even know what I used to believe in.. Its all a mess right now...
I'm waiting, I'm still waiting, waiting for someone to rescue me from this mess... Waiting for my heroine to appear and save me from my daily wallowing in my own anguish. Perhaps that day will never come, I don't know... But I'll go on waiting... Go on waiting like the stupid fool I am...
Going out for movie with about 3 others. But lunch with someone else first. What a way to start the day =)
Maybe going CSL later. Who knows?
Today will be a better day. Maybe.
有些时候,不是因为寂寞才想你,而因为想你才寂寞。。。
Suddenly at 3am the Starhub cable connection quits on me...damn frustrating. Have to connect using Singnet. Its not the first time its happened, but its certainly the first time that it refuses to come back online. No matter, I shall try again later in the morning. Till then.
Happiness, do you know what it is? Or do you merely think you know what it is when actually you dont?
Have you experienced it? Or do you merely think you have experienced it when actually you haven't?
How many can seriously say they are happy?
Life is a play, and we are merely actors on this stage we call Earth.
Laughter... Why must it be enforced? Isn't carefree and unrestrained laughter so much better? Everyone has heard that laughter is the best medicine... But how many actually put that into practice? Less than a handful. Some, however, will choose to hide themselves behind a mask of laughter, behind that veil of secrecy from which they rule supreme.
Laughing works best to cure ailments, to extend your lifespan. Not to shorten your lifespan through artificial laughter. Don't misuse laughter, disastrous consequences ahead. Take my word for it.
=) Smile - a curve that can set a lot of things straight.
I don't believe it... I shouldn't have gone at that time... The more you want to avoid them, the more they keep materialising in front of you... If I had known better I wouldn't have gone at that time, or even gone today. He saw me. I made sure of that. You think he'll tell her? I seriously don't know, but I'm secretly hoping the answer is yes. Maybe I should've waited for her to come back, to sort of test her reaction...
Am back.
Saw you.
Painful.
Slept at 530 am... had a rather one-sided conversation... cause the other party couldn't really understand me...
And then woke up at 1015... I'm way past caring what time I sleep or even wake up. Once I got onto msn des came on too, and sent me all those nice canto songs, although I don't understand a single word. Thanks des!
Am going out soon to run a very important errand in school. But I wont be out long... 3 hours at the most... I'm not going to stick around after I'm done... because... oh never mind.
Words can't describe what I feel like right now. All I can say is... Carpe Diem!
She spoke first.
Today.
To me.
A real conversation.
After 11 days 3 hours and 27 minutes.
But she left without saying goodbye...
No... I won't blame you, no matter how much my head or my heart tell me to. Its just not right. I do want to help so much... But I should be relieved that you are not detesting me. I do hope you will find yourself soon. When that time comes, and you see the world in a new light, maybe that's when your life really starts.
Actually felt better just around dinner time, but before dinner, drowsiness due to the medication I had an hour before had already started to set in, so after dinner I immediately hit the sack. Then at 9 I woke up feeling much much worse than before. Sigh. Hopefully I get well soon...
有些时候,不是因为寂寞才想你,而因为想你才寂寞。。。
Today woke up at 2pm. Haha, I'm definitely sick. My head feels like a ton of bricks dropped on it. But I will still strive for excellence in my endeavours...whatever they may be =)
Hmmm there has been a tentative bridge/lan session today... I wonder if its still on?
Just received a reply from a message i sent lau... He asked me to decide if I still want to go, cause nobody has gone down yet! Lol. I suppose I ain't moving my butt anywhere... Takes kinda great effort to go anywhere or even think about going anywhere. I'll just slack at home. Been a while since I did that =P
As I am writing this, I have realised one thing: I am my very own best friend and worst enemy. How I came to that conclusion, well I guess only those who know me will know...
But seriously, did you know that within each and everyone of us, no matter how prim and proper, no matter how sweet and demure, no matter how shy and obedient, there lies a dark and hidden corner.
Therein lies secrets.
Secrets so dark, that some choose to lock them up and throw away the key.
It may be painful memories.
Someone once said: We human beings have the ability to forget memories over time for a reason, be it happy or sad memories. Sure, it may be good to recall every single moment of an extremely joyous event whenever you want to. But, imagine your living your life everyday being thrown back 10 years in time to face the flashback of an extremely painful memory just by looking at a cup of coffee, all because you had perfect memory and recall.
Me?
Only time will tell...only time will tell... And I suspect that even until the end of time there will be no answer...
At 10 am in the morning...
Woke up at 955 am, the first time I woke up so early ever since the CSC camp, and never so early before the camp... Feeling really horrible now cause I turned in at 0530 as usual... Doesn't make for a beautiful me, I know... Especially after all that I've said regarding this issue. You know, I seriously don't know what's become of me anymore... Cold-blooded animal or deranged psychopath... Whatever happened to the genial, sociable and affable me? Lost time and again in a web of deceit, lies and facades? Or was it just a figment of an imagination that never was? Right now I don't have the stamina nor energy to think anymore...
At 10 pm at night...
10:02 pm... Extremely exhausted and just feel like collapsing on the bed as soon as I get home and have a nice hot bath. Right now I'm starting to feel rather sick... I guess the many consecutive nights of sleep deprivation are starting to exact their toll on me... I am slowly paying for my insolence...
Something is eating away at me. Slowly but surely... I fear the worst... Could it be?? The Angel of Death, Martyr of Doom, Dominion of Hell, Seraphim of Darkness, Devil's Advocate... Advocatus Diaboli... I can feel it coming... That all-consuming terror... That overwhelming aura... It is headed straight for me...
"I don't want to lose the post-mortem" is a phrase sometimes used to describe a bid in bridge which says, "Partner please pick a denomination to play in" thereby absolving oneself of blame...
But I don't understand... It takes 2 hands to clap... why are you worried about losing the post-mortem when what is important is right here, right now, at the table? I suppose I shouldn't say the same thing to myself... I am not supposed to be such a selfish person (am I?)... who's gonna care whether or not I win or lose the post-mortem. Yet I simply can't grasp the concept...the utter simplicity, the stark reality, the bare bones of it all. It is not for me to decide absolution of blame...
Sometimes I wonder whether I'm getting delusional...
Someone once said: The quality of your life is determined by the quality of your decisions, and the quality of your decisions is determined by the quality of your thinking.
Fun? Excitement? What's that? The adrenaline rush from crossing the road knowing that a silver Ferrari missed you by mere inches? Or the high induced by endorphins after a strenuous run? When was the last time I experienced all of that, and more...?
"What's not important is the there and then...what's important is the here and now" is what I always say when people come to me for advice. Or when I give it, whether out of goodwill or for some other reason. Yet, I never seem capable of applying good advice to myself. Is this some sort of cynical reverse reverse psychology that afflicts homo sapiens? That people never listen to their own advice, no matter how good it is?
Right now I just ain't feelin' so good.
There are some people who live in the past. I am one of those.
Here I am, sitting in my little corner at 5 am in the morning wondering what to do with my life... Doesn't make any sense to you? Don't worry, doesn't make any sense to me either. Now I finally realise why 古人说:做人难,做好人更难。
Does it even matter that I'm just wasting my life away, thinking I'm achieving something, but I'm not? No I guess it doesn't matter... Not to you, nor to anyone else...
Here's a song that's been floating near the edge of my thoughts recently...I'm sure you know it is dedicated to you:
Reflections
Christina Aguilera
Look at me
You make think you see
Who I really am
But you'll never know me
Every day
It's as if I played a part
Now I see
If I wear a mask
I can fool the world
But I cannot fool my heart
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
I am now
In a world where I have to hide my heart
And what I believe in
But somehow
I will show the world
What's inside my heart
And be loved for who I am
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
Why is my reflection
Someone I don't know?
Must I pretend that I'm
Someone else for all time?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
There's a heart that must be free to fly
That burns with a need to know the reason why
Why must we all conceal
What we think
How we feel?
Must there be a secret me I'm forced to hide?
I won't pretend that I'm
Someone else
For all time
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
Heh...Our Zilos group is having an outing tomorrow...oops today actually...and it was actually intended as a cycling/blading session...but since so many people aren't available in the afternoon, its been changed to dinner at 6pm @ Sakae Sushi...I wonder what the turnout will be like, hehe. And then all of a sudden I have a dota/bridge session also... Wish I didn't have to be in this situation... My brain wont think...it refuses to function logically.........
Yes I do succumb to occasional attacks, especially while moping at home...keeps my mind occupied, to say the least...
...突然间觉得这个世界若少了一个我没什么分别...
...当世界遗忘我的时候,我一个人过...幸福对我来说其实是一种传说...
Really a lot has happened in the past month... And I don't know how to start...
First was the Taiwan trip... Don't know why, but wasn't very excited to start with... Probably due to the 2+ years of army... Seems like I suddenly lost the excitement of going for overseas leisure trips. The trip was so-so, but at the end I realised I didn't even know all the names of my companions...sheesh...
And then...you came along. In fact we sort of knew each other already before my trip, but after I came back... maybe I was too presumptuous. But it was hard not to... It seemed so natural and seemed like the right thing to do at that time. Not like what I feel now has changed...
And CSC came and went...leaving behind a wake of destruction...an aftermath no one could predict. Why did things have to turn out this way? It was supposed to be heaven on earth...and now heaven has come crashing down to earth. There's so many things I want to say to you, but somehow I can't seem to find my voice...But please know that whatever happens...Te Amo...
A lot's happened since then, ever since I last saw this blog...brings back certain memories...